Right now, I am in a wooden cubicle overseeing a student cafe. On my desk lies a lengthy to-do list filled with biology work, readings, applications, and architecture sketches. But still, I am choosing to write a blog. The night before I started college, I spent three hours crying. I was already homesick without even entering the campus. It was an odd feeling---not the traditional sense of homesickness. While I did miss mama's vegetable soup, my puppies, my alpacas, my room,

I think we, as a society, put a lot of emphasis on firsts. The first day of school. The first word. The first movie. The first heartbreak. The first blog post. The first apartment. The first paycheck. And it really does make sense. Firsts are easy to celebrate because they're terrifically exciting. Someone takes a picture or marks the date. We know, while we're living them, that we'll probably remember them. And firsts are important. Don't get me wrong. I remember many of min

Yesterday, I celebrated my birthday. And as usual, my fear of the future grew as I blew out the candle. Nineteen feels like a very serious age to be. Old enough that people stop asking what you want to be and start asking what you are going to be. Somehow, everyone else seems to have an answer. At college admission weekends, every introduction practically came with a packaged future. "I'm studying Neuroscience and Human Biology for Pre-med." "I'm going to do International Rel

It’s June, my favorite month, so let’s celebrate with some flowers! 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸 Okay, now to the blog! Now, if you know me, I’m not exactly the aggressive type. In fact, there are very few instances in my life when I can remember being intentionally physically aggressive. One of them happened in third grade. My brother's two friends were in our treehouse messing around with my puppy, a tiny ball of black curly fur. At first they were just being annoying. Then one of them shot

I’d like to begin this blog by saying that I am very very jet-lagged as I write it, so forgive me if this becomes a tangled ribbon of thoughts. I’ll do better, I promise. Anyways, welcome to my mind! Don’t get lost. Admittedly, I have a bit of a shopping addiction. And even more admittedly, because I am surrounded by people who own designer things, I have learned how to recognize luxury from fifty feet away. To confront an impending money-losing spiral, I developed a ritua

A lot of people say that my brother and I have a very close sibling relationship. And I guess, from the outside, that seems true—we’re only two years apart. We grew up doing most things together: the same summer camps, the same chaotic friend groups, the same late-night arguments about whose turn it was to clean up the dog poop. When people saw us, they saw a pair. A duo. A prepackaged unit. But during his senior year of high school, that closeness felt like a fake myth someo

Today, one of my friends sent me a link to a website called The Unsent Project. Essentially, it’s a digital mosaic of memories. It's a messy collection of unsent (obvi) messages, calls, emails, and thoughts. There are thank-you notes to childhood best friends, shy love confessions, angry rants at old exes, and goodbyes to people who are no longer alive. Scrolling through, I felt sonder. It's a word I've come to use more and more often. It's that strange, humbling awareness t

The other month, my Literature class was reading The Picture of Dorian Gray, when my teacher encouraged us to pay attention to the “language of flowers.” It was one of those afternoons where I was giggly and giddy, unable to focus or sit still. My teacher said that in the Victorian era, flowers spoke for people, that a rose might mean love, while a lily symbolized purity or grief. I remember finding that strangely pretty. Even something as small as a flower can have meaning i

I haven't had a solid night of sleep this week, but this week has also been one of my favorites. It's a very random week, just an...

I’ve been losing a lot lately. If this had been me a year ago, I would have been a wreck. I would have stared at my shelf, agonizing over...

The other day, my friend and I played a game. We called it The Alphabet of Illnesses. One by one, we went through the alphabet, naming...

I haven’t written in a while because of college applications. That sentence alone feels like the understatement of the year. These past...

Once in a while, I go back and reread my old blog posts. They’re kind of like reading letters from a past self I don’t fully recognize...

"You looked like you were about to punch somebody." That’s what my brother said as we sat together, replaying the video from my award...

Every year on my birthday, I tend to cry for one reason or another. I’m not someone who cries easily, but my birthdays have always...

I’ve delivered countless speeches throughout my life. I'm literally the vice president of my speech and debate team. You ’d think by...

I have packs and packs of stickers. Whole drawers filled with them. Stickers I’ve collected since toddlerhood, ones with sparkly...

Today is the first day of summer vacation. Usually, I'd be outside by now, running barefoot through sprinklers, planning movie marathons...

I think for most of my life, I’ve believed that my mom knows everything. Not just in the way little kids think their parents are...

A few weeks ago, I stumbled upon my fifth-grade diary. Inside was a life I had almost forgotten: my own looping, uneven handwriting,...