11:53 p.m. - deadlines and deadlines

Last year, I was warned by everyone that junior year is hard. As always, I barely listened, thinking that I, THE Emma Luu, would be able to handle it. However, it seems like I was a bit too cocky. Lately, I've been feeling like I'm running out of time. I'm running out of time to apply to competitions, I'm running out of time to apply for scholarships, I'm running out of time to raise my ACT score, and I'm running out of time to study for my AP Exams. I'm filled with out-of-body experiences at night, seeing myself from an outer eye. I see myself on December 15th, opening my college decisions, seeing the rejection, and thinking "Did I do enough". I’ve been feeling like I’m racing a clock that I never really agreed to start.

College applications are on the horizon, and my resume feels like a desperate game of catch-up. To try and salvage my resume, I've begun sacrificing time with friends, time with families, and time doing things I personally enjoy.

But in the rush to do everything, I’ve forgotten that I'm not just running out of time for my resume. I’m also running out of time with them—my friends who’ve known me since braces and awkward lunch tables, the ones who can translate my eye-rolls without a word. The ones I walk with in the hallways, complain with after tests, and laugh with about things that wouldn’t be funny anywhere else. I’m running out of time with family dinners, the comfort of my mom’s cooking, and the weird warmth of being in a house that still calls me a “kid.”

Sometimes I get so caught up in polishing my future that I forget to live my present.

But what if both matter?

It’s hard to balance.

Because the truth is: I do want to succeed. I do want to be proud of my resume. But I don’t want to wake up one day in a dorm room hundreds of miles away and realize I traded real memories for hypothetical achievements. I don’t want to forget what it felt like to live in this house, in this moment, with these people.

So I’m learning to make space—for the grind and the goodbyes.

To apply for the internship, and also show up for the movie day.

To chase my dreams, but also chase the car down the street when my friend is leaving.

Because yes, I’m running out of time.

But not just for college.

I’m running out of time here.

And I want to make it count.

Cheers,

emma